I'm Sorry Brian

from by Jon Watts

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lyrics

Jon Watts | I'm Sorry Brian | Lyrics

He said he loved her
We were friends then
sharing secrets with each other
like the fact that he loved her
and I held that secret tight like it was mine
But in the limelight, I can see my timeline

I was looking for my value in
the things I had accomplished
like the women that I wanted
and the ones that had fallen for me
You know the story

Now I know it wasn’t worth it
I was working in earnest
I mean, I didn’t even deserve it
this fact I wasn’t worthless
But I just didn’t have the courage to say
“fine, Brian. She’s yours.”
Or even “Hey Brian, I think she’s mine.”
And so I led you to believe
I was a friend and not a thief
whose intention was to steal
and then to observe you spin your wheels
I’m like sorry

I’m sorry Brian
I don’t have an excuse
If I had an excuse it’d be used
I’m a little brother with a used excuse
and a follower who followed the abuse
I adjusted to environments
one shouldn’t adjust to
The environment, myself stand accused
But that shouldn’t make you sorry
because I’m the one who’s sorry
as I look to the past and I conclude
I’m sorry Brian

So the confession I have is
I was better than you
Or that’s how I thought and acted at the time
But I’ve realized since your innate value
I’m not afraid of all the ways it threatens mine

I tried to do to you what others did to me
My only measured worth was watching others' envy
So I encouraged it
this anger and the jealousy
and all the while behavior remained friendly

And in a way
I would say that you were better than me
I mean the ways that you forgave
when you were settling things
I let my fear persevere
You watched my meddling bring
us to that place and then you faced me with your love

It was manipulative. It was subversive.
It was destructive and I’m here to say I’m sorry
I saw that you loved me.
I abused your trust
and I want to say again to you I’m sorry
I’m sorry Brian

I’m sorry Brian
I don’t have an excuse
If I had an excuse it’d be used
I’m a little brother with a used excuse
and a follower who followed the abuse
I adjusted to environments
one shouldn’t adjust to
The environment, myself stand accused
But that shouldn’t make you sorry
because I’m the one who’s sorry
as I look to the past and I conclude
I’m sorry Brian

credits

from The Art of Fully Being, released March 15, 2007
Instruments and Production by Jon Watts

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Jon Watts Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Quaker poet-producer-songsmith in West Philly.

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